His Reassuring Ways

I found myself worried again. After all it has been half a month that we haven't spoken in a heart to heart way. And after the last time where I really couldn't hide my sleepiness and turned him away. Two days have gone by and I began to wonder I must have offended him. So when I got the chance to wake up past 4am (although I had the feeling he will just be fast asleep) I  still rang him. When he didn't answer, I got up and prayed my heart out. How this was causing me a lot of pain, how this situation seems to be just a vicious cycle of either him or me getting mad and would just opt for the disappearing act, and most of all the distance. I often wondered if the time will ever come when we will be together again, such a far thought. While I'm at it, the cellphone vibrated. Ahh, finally. Damn, hearing his voice made my knees weak. Just the anticipation of speaking to him dissolved any drowsiness I might have. I asked him if he was angry of the way I turned him away his last phone call and told me "when was I angry at you, angry for what?" I almost cried of relief. When will I ever stop entertaining negative thoughts about what he's thinking of me? Maybe because I always find myself guilty so the thought of him one day just snapping truly horrifies me. But as he always tells me, nothing will ever turn him away. How I appreciate that. He then told me he spoke to his friend who might help me find work there again, that they are trying to open the branch this month and made him promise to not forget my application because he wants me so badly to come back. That they might offer a lower salary and reassured me not to worry because he will take care of me when I am already there. When I asked him if he really wants me to come back, he said he does and would even give me his own company visa just to make sure I could go back in his country. Am I just lucky to have found someone who cares for me as much as he does? Its just that I haven't felt this way having someone who looks after my welfare. Am I so selfish to look past him and dream of things he cannot give me? Or should I just be thankful I have him despite the complications he has ties with? One thing I learned, to grab happiness with both hands and learn not to let go. You don't get to past the water that flowed twice. And that true love happens in your lifetime once and if you are extremely lucky, twice. So should I spend the rest of my life pondering what if's? Or carry on with the present I am sure would fulfill my wellbeing? I think I am sure of the answer myself and the choice I am prepared to make.